I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
