We're like a lot better than the average bears
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize