when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
