Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Randomize
