I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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