if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
