Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
