Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I just sharted jello shots
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
