that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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