At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
