OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
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So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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