Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
where are my eyebrows?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
