On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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