Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
