Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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