i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
