The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
