totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
