Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
