its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
