Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
