How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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