Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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