Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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