as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
