We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
