I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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