Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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