What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
