I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
