I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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