At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
