did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
