true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
