i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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