I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
