Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
