Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Damn victory sex feels great
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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