well you can't waste a boner
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
