No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
