You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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