Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just tell him i said nine months
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize