i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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