ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
