Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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