one two three fourrrrnication!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
