I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So. Much. Porn.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
