I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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