I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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