be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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