Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
