even my farts smell like vagina
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
