wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
People in love make me want to vomit
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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