The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
