There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
