im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
