I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
