I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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