Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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