between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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