I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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