I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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