I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I cockslap morals
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
