Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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