I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
