And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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