You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
