Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
