nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
