K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
