i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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