U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
