This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
how does that bad decision feel?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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