Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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