what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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