end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
