dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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